Thinking and Feeling Words

That You Don’t Want to Use

I’ve talked a bit about the importance of character interiority; that is, helping the reader to understand what your character is thinking and feeling and doing. Interiority is one of the key ways to help readers understand character motivations, and verbs will do a lot of work when you use them well.

But that doesn’t mean using those “thinking” and “feeling” and “doing” words and phrases. Because they load your writing with passive voice.

For example:

• Dora thought she could never love him.

• Dora felt as if she was about to have a meltdown.

• Dora looked out the window and watched as he walked away, his shoulders hunched.

The three verbs “thought”, “felt”, and “looked” are unnecessary, and worse yet they distance the reader from the active story moment. They give the sense that the character Dora is being acted upon rather than is fully in the moment. Her thoughts and feelings and actions are far removed.

Active Verbs Instead of Linking Verbs

Linking verb usage of “to be” is also distancing and passive. For example:

• It was clear that Dora would never love him.

• There was no way she would avoid meltdown.

• There was mist swirling as she watched him walk away.

Consider the difference when the sentence is active and the verbs are strong:

• Dora would never love him.

• Dora’s blood ran hot.

• He marched away, shoulders hunched, mist swirling at his feet.

Simple, direct, and when you are in your character’s point of view, you don’t need the aid of “looked out the window and watched” or “there was”.

Filter Words

Verbs like “saw”, “looked”, “noticed”, heard” – these are filter words, and as such, they lard your narrative.

Dora felt that she would never love him. She heard him walk to the door and thought she’d have a meltdown. She went to the window and watched him as he walked away; there was mist swirling at his feet.

versus:

Dora would never love him. His footsteps echoed and the door slammed shut behind him. Her blood ran hot, and she pressed her hand to the window as he marched away, mist swirling at his feet.

These Are Easy Fixes

I’ve been able to use the Word search function to find every use of “there is”, “there was”, and any filter words like “saw”, “looked”, “noticed”, heard”. And once you recognize this distancing diction, you’ll catch it in the revision stage – if not sooner.

Coming Soon, But in the Meantime

I’m working on getting my upcoming craft book polished and ready to publish sometimes this summer.

But in the meantime, if you need help with starting your children’s book, check out my course: Six Day Story System.

Six Day Story System breaks the writing process down into bite-sized, doable steps. It’s designed to help you stop spinning your wheels and finally make real progress.

Every day, you’ll take one small but meaningful step toward a story that feels purposeful, publishable, and still sounds like you. Take a look at it here.