Show, Don't Tell, Part 3

Tips and Exercises

Over the last few weeks I’ve been giving you some concrete craft tips on how to use dialogue, and how to use internal monologue, gesture, and sensory details in order to show and not tell.

And again - there are times when “telling” your story is just fine, as in summary. But most times, it’s way better to “show” in scene.

Tips For “Showing”

1. Get rid of basic sensory words.

Words/phrases like “I saw”, “I felt”, “I heard”, etc., filter the action and tell the reader what is happening rather than show the reader. Replace these filter words with strong verbs and nouns.

Example:

Telling: “I felt scared in the dark room as I heard the wind.”

Showing: “Branches scratched the glass as the wind moaned. Shadows crept from the corners, and I shivered in the icy air.”

2. Don’t explain emotions

Using words like “happy”, “sad”, “excited” is a weak way to express your character’s inner life. Show your character’s feelings by understanding how the human mind and body react to situations. In particular, seek out physical manifestations of emotion.

Example:

Telling: “I was elated.”
Showing: “As I danced around the room I burst out in giggles. I thought I would sprout wings. He loved me!”

3. Do enlist verbs and nouns that evoke emotions

From this example “Shadows crept from the corners, and I shivered in the icy air” you can see that the verbs “crept” and “shivered” evoke the emotion of fear, as does the word “shadows”.

Replace all weak verbs and nouns in your sentences with strong nouns and active verbs.

4. Don't use passive voice

Passive voice is distancing and tends to lean toward telling rather than showing. In addition to passive, try to avoid using the helping verb “was” with a past participle (any verb plus “-ing”).

Example:

“The dog was chasing the ball” is passive, telling, and distant. “The dog leapt at the ball” is active and showing.

Exercises

• Scenes should occupy 80% of your narrative; summaries no more than 20%. Print out 10 to 20 pages of your manuscript and use highlighters or colored markers to outline scenes in one color, summaries in another. If the balance is off, revise, and make note going forward.

• Using the “find/replace” feature in Word, search for filter words like “feels/felt”, “hears/heard”, “sees/saw”, etc. Replace them with more active verbs and/or rephrase.

• Using the same feature, search for “There is/was” and rephrase the sentence.

• Reread your manuscript out loud, looking for the clear images that your mind creates when you enter a scene. If the image is vague, you may be summarizing/telling. Revise.

• As you revise, act out scenes as if you are on stage. Literally get up out of your chair and move around in space, gesturing as if you are the character. Use those gestures in your writing.

• When you write an emotional scene, sit back and imagine yourself in that scene. What are you feeling? Is your skin prickling? Is your mouth dry? Heart pounding? Breath short? Fists clenched? There are a million ways to physically react to an emotion. Show those in your scenes.

• On each page of your manuscript, run a check to see how many specific sensory details you have mentioned. Smell is often overlooked yet is an important if subtle thing we experience every day. Check for things seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted.

An Upcoming Craft Webinar on Character

Once again, I’ll be presenting a webinar through Free Expressions on April 25, from 7:15-9:45PM EST. Free Expressions is known for its “deep, thorough, and challenging approach to craft--and for helping thousands of writers reach their creative and professional goals.”

My webinar title is “HOW POWERFUL CHARACTERS DRIVE COMPELLING PLOTS”, and I have given it my all. I hope you’ll consider joining me for this program!