Show Don't Tell, Part 2

Internal Monologue, Gesture, and Sensory Detail as Tools

Back to craft, because that’s a lot more fun to talk about than publishing.

Right?

A couple of weeks ago I gave you one way to “show and not tell” by using dialogue. Here are three more.

Showing Through Internal Monologue

What does this mean? It means the stuff that is going on inside the character’s head – aka, interiority. In other words, thinking. The reader has no idea what your character is thinking and feeling unless you find a way to convey that, and next to dialogue, inner monologue is one way to give your reader those thoughts and feels.

But once again, you have to avoid merely “telling” the reader, and this one is a little harder to accomplish.

When your character is thinking about how they feel, don’t tell the reader. Use the following to convey the emotion they are feeling:

• Create an analogy: using memory as metaphor, find a way to convey how the character feels “like I did when I walked alone into that classroom and everyone burst out laughing” (implication: “I’m ashamed, I’m upset, I’m miserable”).

• Look at alternatives: “I should be happy” (implication: “but I’m not”).

• Justify how the character feels, so the reader is a sympathizer: “I’m ashamed, but I really don’t care, because I’ve been abandoned” (implication: “Would you care? Of course not”).

Digging deeply into your character in every scene and understanding their backstory and the emotions that are driving them is essential to getting their emotions expressed through internal monologue. Most of the time your main character won’t even be able to express their deepest emotions, their deepest fears, their internal need or lack. But you need to know what their lack is, in order to convey it through the character’s thoughts.

Showing Through Gesture

The third way to convey emotion through showing and not telling is through action and sensory detail. We can call action by a character “gesture”, because it can range from the smallest tic to the big behaviors.

We are hard-wired to take cues from body language. Just ask anyone who can’t take those cues – they have a hard time “reading what someone is feeling”. For most of us, however, reading body language is a matter of survival, so we need to be good at it.

As an example of using action to convey emotion, let’s go back to our guys Paul and Harry.

Harry lunged for the ball, but Paul, coming from behind, gave Harry a hard shove. Harry stumbled, then fell with a cry.

Harry rolled on the court, clutching his right knee, his face twisted, eyes closed. “What’d you do that for?” Harry said through clenched teeth.

“Sorry, dude,” Paul said, and reached out his hand to help Harry up.

...versus...

Harry lunged for the ball, but Paul, coming from behind, gave Harry a hard shove. Harry stumbled, then fell with a cry.

Harry rolled on the court, clutching his right knee, his face twisted, eyes closed. “What’d you do that for?” Harry said through clenched teeth.

Paul twirled the racket in his hand. “You were acting like a jerk.”

Two different gestures – even without the dialogue you can tell what Paul is feeling. And Harry’s pain and shock are clear from his gestures.

Showing Through Sensory Detail

Sensory detail is another way to convey emotion. Setting, for example. A storm experienced by someone who has just fallen in love is quite different from the same storm experienced by someone who has just lost a loved one, or by someone who is hiding from a murderer, or by someone who is about to be crowned queen of the underworld, etc.

To use sensory details to convey emotion, don’t just describe the setting or the scene. Describe the emotions that are inherent in your character’s observation of the setting or scene, through symbolism, through the use of just the right diction and syntax, and through metaphor.

I’ll finish up this thread next week with some tips and exercises.

Remember to show, don’t tell (except sometimes………….)

An Upcoming Craft Webinar on Character

I’m over the moon to announce that I’ll be presenting a webinar through Free Expressions on April 25, from 7:15-9:45PM EST. Free Expressions is known for its “deep, thorough, and challenging approach to craft--and for helping thousands of writers reach their creative and professional goals.”

My webinar title is “HOW POWERFUL CHARACTERS DRIVE COMPELLING PLOTS”, and I have given it my all. I hope you’ll consider joining me for this program!