A Horse, a Cow, and a Sheep Walk into a Bar

And the Bartender Says…

Since I’ve been spending some time and ink on “show don’t tell” lately, I want to add to that craft concept by digging deeper into dialogue.

I’ve been seeing in my students a tendency to create dialogue that works well but lacks a specificity that would take it to the next level.

What do I mean by that? When you are conversing with someone else in real life, you have the advantage of visual, auditory, and other sensory cues as to the emotional state of your counterpart. Mostly unconsciously, we respond to those cues with cues of our own, and that’s what creates a lively exchange, and (in moments of high tension) a misunderstanding.

So let’s get specific and add cues to your dialogue.

Gesture as Visual and Tactile Cue

For example, when a character – let’s call her Elise - says: “I’ve got to hand it to you. You fooled me. Now that I’m on to you it won’t happen again.”

You have no idea how Elise is feeling, right? What could you add to make that clear to your reader? For that matter, what would make the other character’s emotional state clear?

Gesture is one of my go-tos. So…

“I’ve got to hand it to you,” Elise said, narrowing her eyes. “You fooled me. Now that I’m on to you it won’t happen again.” She stood, slapped her napkin on the table, and stalked away.

Versus:

“I’ve got to hand it to you,” Elise said, her mouth twisting in a wry grin. “You fooled me.” She leaned over the table, her lips brushing my ear as her perfume drifted like an intoxicating cloud, and whispered, “Now that I’m on to you it won’t happen again.”

Now we know what Elise wants and is looking for, whether to end a friendship (situation 1) or engage in a romantic challenge (situation 2) - whichever direction your story takes.

And Misunderstanding?

To create tension in any situation, make sure that two characters misread each other, or one character misreads the other.

“I’ve got to hand it to you,” Elise said. She gazed out the window at the street scene. “You fooled me.”

“Wait a second,” I responded, a little louder than I intended. “Nothing I said was a lie.”

“Honey,” she said, “Do you really think you can get away with this?”

Now a chill crept up my spine. What did she know?

She looked me square in the eyes. “Now that I’m onto you,” she said, soft as silk, “it won’t happen again.”

Yep, that could be a thriller, or a cheating spouse, or a murder mystery – you have control over what each character knows, or doesn’t, and how they communicate that to the other.

Always Emotion

The key here is to tap into the emotional states of your characters so deeply that you reflect those states around and within dialogue exchanges.

Use visual, auditory, tactile and other cues to set the scene and ramp up the tension, sending your story in the direction of “can’t put down.”

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Please keep writing and do keep in touch!